


The Things You Said

by LaMaupin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 01:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6264076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaMaupin/pseuds/LaMaupin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are a lot of ways to say I love you</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things You Said

i.

“You’re so cute when you’re drunk.”

You say it in jest, a smile on your lips, the taste of gin in your mouth. She makes a face, and you laugh, and yes, you’re also drunk, but that doesn’t change the fact that she is adorable and you are smitten. 

You know that tomorrow you’ll regret the last three drinks, but for now, you’re having fun and so is she, and you wish that every night could be like this.

ii.

“Leave me alone!” 

You spit it through your teeth, not trusting yourself to hold back the sobs that are threatening to pull you apart at the seams. 

She stands in your doorway, eyes begging for forgiveness you aren’t willing to give. It’s been too long. She walked out of your life with barely a word, and now, just when you thought you had finally moved on, put yourself back together, here she is, standing at your door. 

She leaves without saying a word and a part of you wants to run after her, throw yourself into her arms and never look back. But it’s easier to pretend that you never loved her than to admit that you never stopped.

iii.

“Please stay.”

It’s barely a whisper. She doesn’t hear you. Doesn’t even know you’re awake.

She leaves a cold space in your bed, and while you know you’ll see her again that night at your friend’s party, you can barely stand to be apart from her. You so badly want to tell her the words that are in your throat every time you look at her, but it’s been barely a month and you don’t want to scare her off. 

You roll over into the hallow left by her body and fill your nose with her scent, hoping that it lingers on your sheets forever.

iv.

“Just don’t.”

You wish you weren’t doing this over the phone. Or at all.

The last time you saw her she was making you breakfast, and now she’s calling you from the other side of the country telling you that she’s not coming back. Family obligations she says. All very last minute. Couldn’t be helped. She’ll be staying there indefinitely.

You say you’ll go with her. You’d follow her to the moon and back without a second thought. But she doesn’t want you too. She doesn’t want you to give up your life for her she says. She doesn’t understand that she is your life. She is everything you have ever wanted and more.

You can hear how much it hurts her in the spaces between her uneven breaths. It hurts you more. She tells you to move on, but you don’t know how.

You clutch the phone to your chest for a long time after she hangs up, trying to hold onto some part of her. You break into a million pieces and you don’t think you’ll ever be whole again.

v.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

It’s your silent incantation. Your secret devotional you repeat with every kiss, every touch, every breath. 

She is stretched out before you, and you’re sure that no one has ever been more beautiful, sure that you’ll never love anyone more than you love her right now. 

vi.

“Make a wish.”

You point at the shooting star burning across the sky. She turns, kissing you softly, and whispers that her wish came true.

She is in her element, here under the stars. She looks like she belongs, like she is one with the cool night breeze and the softy swaying trees, her hair tangled with grass and her face smudged with dirt.

She calls you the sun sometimes, saying you pull everyone into your orbit. At first you think she is the moon, soft and calm, reflecting your love back at you. But now you realize that she is the earth, solid and constant. Never straying from exactly who she is. 

vii. 

“Why now?”

This time you can’t contain the tears. You can feel them hot on your face. She looks impassive, like she used to when she didn’t want you to see her pain. You know her better than that though. Even after all this time.

You tried to let it be. To go on without her even though she’s back in the city where you fell in love. You lasted two weeks. 

Now you’re standing in her kitchen begging her for answers she doesn’t seem to have. She says she missed you. She says she’s sorry. It’s too little too late though. 

You leave more confused than ever. The anger you didn’t realize you were holding onto ebbs away, leaving an empty space in your chest where she used to be. 

viii.

“I missed you too.”

You say it quietly, after kissing her. Now it’s her turn to cry, and you realize that she never thought this would happen. Not again. Not after she left. 

You kiss her again and it feels like nothing has changed. Like you are young and in love and life is full of so many possibilities. But you have changed. And so has she. You fit together differently now, all cracks and sharp edges and dents. But you still fit. You slide together easily, settling into one another and for the first time in a very long time you feel whole.

ix.

“I don’t think I could live without you.”

You press your nose into her neck, breathing her in, listening to the soft sound of her breath. The soft morning light illuminates her, and you hold her close, amazed that you get to wake up with her in your arms. 

You think she’s sleeping, but she rolls over, looking at you with soft eyes. She tells you not to worry. She tells you she’s not going anywhere. Your name is on her lips, and god, you love how she says your name. The way she gently clicks the consonants into place. The reverence in her voice like you are a holy object she can barely understand. You want nothing more than to hear her say your name every day for the rest of your life. 

A month later she is gone.

x. 

“You left. I loved you and you left.”

You say it in anger and it has the intended effect. She flinches back, her eyes full of guilt. You hope she never stops feeling guilty. As long as you’re in pain she should be too.

You know that she will leave you alone. After the first time she showed up at your door she hasn’t sought you out. She respects you too much for that. But you can’t stay away. You keep circling back to her, sucked into her orbit like she was once trapped in yours. 

She lets you yell and scream and rage at her. She lets you break down crying and hold her like she might slip through your fingers. She lets you need her and ignore her in turns. It’s as if she is atoning not only for her sins but for yours as well. 

You are spiraling towards her, but you're not sure if you want to collide with her or not. There is some semblance of peace in the pain. 

It’s the first time you’ve told her you love her. The first time that you revealed the thing that has become a defining part of you, and you said it in anger. You wonder how long you can go on like this.

xi.

“God, you really are beautiful, you know that?”

You stop what you are doing just to take in the sight of her. She is naked in your bed, stretched out beneath you, and you can’t believe how lucky you are. 

She tells you to shut up and keep going. You laugh and oblige, hoping beyond hope that you get to do this again. You don’t think you could stand to taste perfection only once.

xii.

“I love you. I loved you back then and I still love you now.”

You say it at breakfast one morning, and the way she looks at you in pure adoration makes you wonder why it took you so long. 

But then again, she knows, she always knew, just like you know that she loves you with equal intensity. You have said to each other every day you’ve known one another, just not in so many words. Her love is tender and forgiving. Yours is fierce and stubborn and adoring. 

You swear to yourself that you will never stop telling her. You will say it every day and in all the ways you know how to. 

xiii.

“Oh.”

You’re surprised when she kisses you. It’s a soft, sweet kiss, full of promise. You kiss her back, answering her tentative question with a promise to never stop. 

You haven’t known her for very long. She’s just a girl from one of your classes who you see at parties sometimes. But lately it feels like she’s been pulled into your gravity, circling around you, waiting for something to happen. 

And now she’s kissing you, and you’re kissing her back, and in this single, perfect moment, you are happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on this http://showbizhowell.tumblr.com/post/114789651506/prompts-1-things-you-said-at-1-am-2-things


End file.
